A Declaration of Villainous Aggression is a written threat issued by a member of the Guild of Calamitous Intent to their assigned protagonist. It is written in calligraphed ink on a parchment scroll and delivered to the intended nemesis to declare that an arching is imminent.
History[edit | edit source]
In the episode The Bellicose Proxy the Guild antagonist Augustus St. Cloud sends a Declaration of Villainous Aggression to Master Billy Quizboy at the VenTech Tower, Billy's workplace. Billy and Pete White are terrified by the declaration, seeing it as a legitimate threat to their lives. Dr. Venture, however, having lived through years of aggression from the Guild of Calamitous Intent, dismisses the scroll as a "boilerplate Guild threat", telling Billy and Pete that "It's like being scared of a book report on the Declaration of Independence."
"This is a boilerplate Guild threat."[edit | edit source]
THE GUILD of CALAMITOUS INTENT
DECLARATION OF VILLAINOUS AGGRESSION
Set Forth By
St. Cloud Antagonistic Against The Quizboy
This Document, With The Consent And Supervision Of
THE GUILD OF CALAMITOUS INTENT
hereby Officially Declares ARCH RIVALRY
Between The Aforementioned Antagonists And Protagonists.
Fair Conduct Due To LEVEL ONE Equally Matched Aggression.
Welcome to your demise! Forthwith and forever
after, your days are numbered. The aforemen-
tioned antagonist will be your undoing. The
laments of your children will mix disturbingly with
the villainous laughter of the aforementioned constituent of the
mighty Guild. For her/his/their pleasure and amusement, your
bowels will be wrenched from your torso and used to crown the
head of the aforementioned antagonist as pinguid laurels. The
meager brains once housed safely in your skull will be scooped
out and used with great irony to lubricate the machine that was
employed to scoop out your brains from your skull. Your eyes will be
plucked from their sockets and turned to face your now empty
sockets as to guarantee your dying observation will be both diz-
zying and disturbing.
With this Declaration, THE GUILD OF CALAMITOUS
INTENT and its constituents welcomes you and your team
into the Guild's FAMILY OF HATE. You are hereby bound by
both contract and fear to abide the registered rules of con-
duct laid out by the governing bodies of Licensed Aggression.